itunh

This girl on the TV was talking about one time at school when she cried so hard her mum had to come and pick her up.  I wish they did that at my school then I would hardly have had to be there. 

You'd think that 8 years later things would be a little better but they're not at all.  Different maybe but no better.

Canadian TV shows are weird. 

On the other hand, you need an average of 65 to be considered and mine is 79% so far.  Also, by the end of the year i will have 5 whole years experience working in a Pharmacy and have done all 7 of the academic prerequisites (you only need 5 to apply).  I should be top of their list, what am I worried about?

Now that I feel all better, here's a picture of my squishy kittens in their house that is not designed for two:

What am I going to do if I don't get into Sydney Uni?  I rang them the other day and they said that instead of face to face interviews this year they are doing written Pharmacy 'case scenarios'.  Does anyone have any idea what that is supposed to mean?  It sounds pretty hit and miss to me and what if I don't get in because of some stupid new system they've come up with.  What's wrong with interviews?  What if I fail Maths this semester?  Stupid Sydney Uni.

I could apply at UWA for their July intake but what if Dan couldn't get a transfer by then?  I know Salmat has offices in Perth but what if they won't pay him enough money to move there and still pay for our unit?  I don't think we've paid enough of our mortgage yet to afford to move yet anyway.  And what about our kittens and turtles and furniture? 

Do I want to do Pharmacy enough to move all the way to Perth to do it?  I really don't know.  I'm sure I could live without my family for a year or two and it's not like I have that many friends here to miss and it would be warmer and cheaper and heaps less crowded.  What if we went there and didn't want to come back?

As if I needed more to stress about, the date for the test is November 25th, one week before our wedding.  And my brother's baby is due December 9th, one week after our wedding.  I feel sick.  How am I going to do all this without having a nervous breakdown?

And just because I now know how, here is a picture of my kitten:

I don't think I'm really as excited about my wedding as I should be. It's more stress, depression and fear at the moment. This whole thing isn't turning out the way I planned, probably more what I wanted but definitely not what I planned and about 5 times more expensive too.

Here's a picture I took of my dress. Lucky my armpits were shaved that day.

Hooray for results that don't make me want to cry. Last Spring I got 63 and 74 which was my first ever P and my first semester without a single D. So damn close. Who was that crazy person who thought it would be a good idea to work 6 days a week, buy a unit, move house and get engaged during semester? Oh wait, that was me.

So anyway, this time I got 2 HDs (both 85) and I am happy again. It brings my total to 7 so far, one for each semester. I just don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get into Pharmacy.

When did I start punctuating everything like this? Weird.

I find that I tend to only write in here when things are miserable so I thought maybe I should make an update now. Things are going reasonably well for a change. Apart from my wedding plans going nowhere fast and Dan going to hospital for his surgery next week, I'm on holidays with nothing much to complain about. Except for the washing and washing up and vacuuming that needs doing. Why am I so lazy?

so now it seems that as well as surgery on both his knees and another operation he's due for in May, Dan might be needing kidney surgery for an arterial stenosis causing his high blood pressure. apparently it's quite rare but some people are born with it and it causes no other symptoms other than high BP so it can go undiagnosed for many years. i guess if that's the case, it's better to have been picked up now before it has time to cause too much damage.

he needs a renal angiogram to diagnose it for sure but they couldn't book it till the end of May. that's a long way away and i hate waiting. it gives you too much time to think of all the worst things that could happen. especially since on Scrubs the other day they were saying that 1 in every 3 patients that goes into hospital doesn't come out. i know Scrubs isn't something to take too seriously but still, there's at least 3 surgeries Dan needs this year.

the last couple of days have been completely all over the place. it started off with watching "In Her Shoes" which i thought was going to be a throw-away girl movie about stealing each other's shoes and boys. but no. i should have known that nothing with Toni Collette in it was going to be that easy to watch. turns out it's about sisters whose mum kills herself because she's not taking the medication she was supposed to and couldn't be a fit mother because of it. great, that's just what i wanted to know about just now. the whole reason i stopped taking mine was to see if i could cope with things in the future when we want to think about having kids. it lasted less than a month. now that i'm back on them i feel just as stressed and depressed as ever, if not worse. i have a test tonight and between bawling my eyes out and lying on the floor with my head in a bowl, i've hardly got any study done.

i can't go on like this but i really don't like their alternatives.

Ian Ball will be playing at the Hopetoun on April 6th yay!!! And Gomez have a new album coming out in May so in celebration i wore my Gomez are you friends t-shirt. nobody really noticed, they were too busy noticing the absence of Doc boots and replacement with shiny white, arch supporting, gel-cushioned new sneakers. damn my achiles tendon and so called 'appropriate footwear'.

yesterday i bought a t-shirt that says "chocolate makes my clothes shrink on it. can't wait for it to arrive, hope it fits!

things are not going my way. the uni has stuffed my enrolment AGAIN! this means that i still don't have my proper timetable and i may have to drop one of my classes and find another one if i can't get into the lab i want. it also means i can't get any more work apart from Saturdays at West Lindfield because they've already given to everyone else who already have their stinking timetables.

in the last month my grandpa has died and i was going to be an auntie and then not again. that's death, new life and then death again all neatly coinciding with me deciding to stop taking all my tablets. and now uni is back. this was not all supposed to happen all at once and i'm really not sure that i can cope with it. not to mention the fact that it's only the second day of uni and i'm already nearly having a nervous breakdown.

things to do today:

get up (tick)
have breakfast (tick)
have shower
clean ratties (tick)
finish vacuuming (tick)
put whites on to soak (tick)
clean kitchen
wash up
take out recycling
study


i got most of the things on my last list done. except for the studying, of course. i have to write all these menial things down in a list so that i can tick them off and feel like i've done something with my day. otherwise i curl up and get all depressed about the time i've wasted with my days off.

"given time i could get tired of all this sleeping,
the days i've thrown away and the hours i am keeping"

Things to do today:

get up (tick)
have shower
check eBay (tick, tick, tick)
eat breakfast (tick)
eat crunchie bar (tick)
go for walk
have lunch
study
have nap
do washing up and/or washing

such a busy day, how will i get all those things done!

reboxetine sucks. escitalopram sucks. everything fucking sucks.

i quit my job today.

it seems i only ever update this thing when i'm feeling miserable. today i am not feeling crap, i just have a report due i about 5 hours that i only just started so what better time to update my journal!

Dan and i have bought a unit and two kittens and got engaged.

i have a new job which i really hate. bastards.

look here for cute kittens (in the set at the top left): http://www.flickr.com/photos/georgiec/

Dan tells me i need to be more social and go out with my friends more often. i tell him that i don't have any friends and it's not my fault that people don't like me. he says that's not true, you have lots of friends. i say if that's true, then where are they? nowhere to be seen.

well that was way more effort than it should have been...

hurrah! i have semagic, now i just need to figure out how to use it...

i hope this works...

( meme from Sapia )

i'm glad that election crap is all over.

i remember last election day i had just started going out with Henry (by about a week). Henry, Cassie and Tim were all at my house watching the vote-counting coverage. Cassie and Tim were loudly proclaiming their disappointment in the results while my staunchly Liberal parents sat there smiling politely and holding their tongues. my dad believes there are two things one should never discuss in front of 'other people' - money and politics. i think Tim had a broken ankle or something at the time and when they were about to leave he came out to say goodbye to my parents with his fly undone. it's funny the things you remember, how clearly one particular day sticks in your mind.

what's also funny is how much things have changed since then. i have a job, i go to uni, i don't see any of those people anymore and best of all, i have a boyfriend who doesn't treat me like an object. i don't see Henry because he's a lying, alcoholic, self-absorbed prick (yes, i know it's been two years, but i am still realising things he lied/made stuff up about. me, bitter? never...). Cassie partly because of Henry's lies and partly because she thinks i'm a bitch - i don't think she ever really considered me as a 'good friend' anyway. it's sad when you realise that people you thought of as 'good friends' really don't feel the same way.

even though i'm way more stable and happy these days, it still makes me depressed whenever i start to think about these people who had such an influence on my first few years out of school. not just Cassie but i guess she kind of started it all, seeing as though she introduced me to pretty much all the people i associate with that time - David, Meryki, Chana, Henry, Mitch...i miss it but i'm just not that person anymore. it's sad.

speaking of Chana though, (who has never been anything but the most beautiful friend to me and i really do wish i could see more of her) i can't believe our baby Chana is getting married! so, so strange.

anyway, enough of this crap because i already have a headache and really don't want to cry today. i cried so much on Thursday i thought might head might explode but that's a whole other story. bedtime now.